By Laney Portelance
#1 Taylor Swift’s red lipstick
More class in one tube than in Trump’s whole career.
#2 A rutabaga
Way more fun to say than “Donald Trump,” which is really all that matters.
#3 The birb (@ProBirdRights) Twitter account
Adorable nuggets of wisdom, and no sexism.
How can they say me a bird can not be run for Presindent when Donal Trump a giant talking corn can??? #birb2016
— birdsrightsactivist (@ProBirdRights) June 16, 2015
#4 The Pyramids
Like Trump, these were created by an alien race of lizard people, but they’re way more impressive.
#5 A vintage hipster typewriter
Still less useless than the Donald.
#6 An Old Spice commercial
Makes infinitely more sense than anything Trump has ever said.
#7 Spray cheese
A more authentic yellow than the shade of Trump’s hair.
#8 Actual, literal trash
Hey, passive trash is better than active trash.
#9 A dirty penny
At least you get a 50/50 chance of some luck.
Just as red in the face, but better for your health, and when they’re rotten, you’re allowed to throw them away.